Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Listen to Daddy

I really find this cartoon funny:


It's from Star Wars: Vader's Little Princess by Jeffrey Brown. While I don't think Vader was actually lucky enough to raise his twins (there's a Luke version of this book, too, called Darth Vader and Son), I find the concept amusing, and the book a pleasant read (those illustrations are so charming!).

It revolves around the idea that, if Darth Vader was able to raise his own kids, what kind of parent would he have been? It's funny, because you have all these images, depicting scenes of one of the most awesome/awful villains of all time... doing just the things every ordinary parent does.

The picture above is one of those things that parents always do--particularly dads. And if, like me, you don't have brothers, it's wise to listen to Papa Dear before going out the door--and I don't mean just before a date, but also for any occasion. Dads, being men, know how men will see you if you wear a particular outfit. Needless to say, anything too short at the bottom, too low at the top, or bare at the back will not pass a father's standards--so why should it pass yours?

When it comes to modesty and appropriate attire, sometimes the rules of proper skirt lengths, sleeve lengths, or collar cuts can feel really stifling. Instead of such rules I prefer going the practical way, like: clothes have to help you move around with ease, bend without worry, and take the bus/jeep/train without coming undone. But of course, when you feel that you don't know better, take a leaf from the Vader  book and rely on a trusted source--and the rule goes: If you have to sneak out of the house so Daddy doesn't see you wearing that thing, better change it now.

“I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren't trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.”-Umberto Eco, Foucault's Pendulum

Monday, July 15, 2013

I'd love to love you, but...

"This is the day your dreams come true!"
"What do you know about my dreams, Gaston?"
I've always thought about rejection as a form of character building, for ladies as much as for the gents. When a guy likes a girl, it's only natural that he tries to get to know her, make friends with her, and then later on pursue and court her. But when he gets rejected, it's an occasion to man up and perhaps pursue other things in the meantime, as the heart mends, and he moves on.

On the other hand, a lady finds herself in a more difficult position. Say, she does not like the guy at all. She has to find a way to let him know that without being uncharitable. If, say, she likes him but does not see him as a boyfriend (that is, future husband) for one reason or another, then that's another type of problem: how do you reject someone and still be friends? The last situation I can think of is if the guy is making his advances even when it's clear that the girl is unavailable, like when she has a boyfriend (!), a husband (!!), or a vocation (!!!). In these situations, the character building lies in the girl's fortitude: how to make and stand by a decision, and carry out that decision with a lot of love.

This song by the Corrs is about a girl rejecting the love offered by a guy. It's actually a very kind rejection song haha. But I think it sums up how a lady can do this with a lot of love: telling the truth, praying for the person, and trusting that time will heal all wounds. Here's the song, with the lyrics below. Enjoy!


 

LOVE TO LOVE YOU - The Corrs

I would love to love you like you do me,
I'd love to love you like you do me,
There's a pillar in my way you see,
I'd love to love you like you do me,

I, met you on a sunny Autumn day,
You instantly attracted me, when asking for the way,
God if I had known the pain I'd make you feel,
I would have stopped this thought of us, and turned upon my heel,

Though you should leave me,
Time make it be alright,
Though you must leave me,
Time will help you see the light,
You don't need me,
Time make it be alright,
Though you must leave me,
Believe me when I tell you,

I would love to love you like you do me,
I'd love to love you like you do me,
There's a pillar in my way you see,
I'd love to love you like you do me,

You recognised my barrier to love,
I know there's nothing worse than unrequited love, unrequited love,
So I prayed to God that I could give the love you gave to me,
But something's lying in my way, preventing it to be,

Though you should leave me,
Time make it be alright,
Though you must leave me,
Believe me when I tell you,

I would love to love you like you do me,
I'd love to love you like you do me,
There's a pillar in my way you see,
I'd love to love you like you do me,

I would love to love you like you do me,
I'd love to love you like you do me,
There's a pillar in my way you see,
I'd love to love you like you do me,

Break those pillars down,
Break those pillars down,
Take those pillars down, down, down,
Oh, take those pillars down,
Love to love you like you do me,
Break those pillars down,
Love to love you like you do me,
Oh take those pillars down,
Love to love you,
Love to love you,
Love to love you,
Love to love you,
Take those pillars down,
Love to love you...

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

"New Adult," anyone?

Young girl reading by Federico Zandomeneghi

Thanks to Tiger Print, I came across this new category in Young Adult (YA) literature--what they call "New Adult" literature. What is this New Adult?

"New Adult," Katie Hinderer writes, "targets the same audience as young adult. [It] is what some consider literature for the current hook-up generation. The New Adult books all have descriptive sexual encounters between the two, usually high school-aged, main characters, which of course is a defining moment for the relationship."

The universal theme of love for the YA group has been transformed into a new (and narrow) concept--a pseudo-romantic, emotion-based, sexual kind of love. The group formerly concerned about how Wilbur escapes his fate with Charlotte's creative weaving scheme, how Jonas would come to understand what love is through the Memories from the Giver, how Leigh Botts would pick up the pieces of his broken home, or how Leslie Burke would pull Jess Aarons out of his fears through their friendship and Terabithia, is now being served up stories of sexually-charged relationships with a spatter of violence here and there. Supposedly this is what the YA group wants nowadays.

Sure, it's only fiction, but last time I checked, fiction is supposed to be believable, with characters who change for the better because of the experiences they are put through. That's putting it in a box, but you get the picture. Young readers deserve to read fiction that empowers them to make good choices. They need fiction that will help shape their minds and hearts so they grow up to be well-rounded and responsible adults, with a healthy view of sex, love, and relationships.  

I wish more writers and publishers would put more value in the content, and not just churn out what seems to be "hot" right now, for the sake of making more money.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Find a man with a plan!


I just stumbled upon this article in Mercatornet today, and found out that it's been up for a few months already! Where have I been? This is an article article about how women can find the right man for them. Written by Australian teacher, author, and motivational speaker Jonathan E. Doyle and Tamara Rajakariar, it's an easy-to-read Q&A that helps young women navigate through today's highly sexualized culture and come out happy and unscathed (and with a good man, too, hopefully!) in the end. Here's an excerpt--Doyle's tips on spotting what he calls the "man-boy," or the guy girls should not date.

The man-boy is pretty easy to spot. Here are a few tell-tale signs:

1. He lives at home after about 25 years.
2. He is frequently angry and blames others for his anger.
3. He spends large amounts of time playing computer games.
4. He has problems with pornography.
5. He lies, often.
6. He is unsure about career, marriage and fatherhood.
7. He wants sex as soon as possible in the relationship.
8. He has a poor or non-existent relationship with his own father.
9. He is the centre of his own universe.
10.He has problems with alcohol or other substances.
11.He is sexually unfaithful and blames either the situation, women or alcohol for his own choices.
12.He lacks a clear and compelling life vision.

Now, where can I get a copy of this book?

"Immature love says, 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says, 'I need you because I love you.'"-Erich Fromm

Sunday, October 28, 2012

The practical points of dressing with dignity

I admit that sometimes I make mistakes with my own clothing choices, being a girl who likes to look pretty in a culture that insists prettiness lies in showing off long legs or toned arms or whatever. But from these mistakes I've learned a few things: one is that "pretty" is a word more commonly used to describe the face, second, that if you want to be pretty, you can use make up and smile, and finally, that there's nothing pretty about constantly worrying if your skirt is riding up.

I'm not going to delve into figures of proper skirt length or sleeve length--there's nothing quite so annoying as constantly measuring lengths while shopping for clothes!--but there really are some practical reasons why you want to dress with dignity. Here are a few practical reasons, with matching tips! (All images from fashion.teenvogue.com)


"The most practical kind of politics is the politics of decency."-Theodore Roosevelt





Tuesday, October 9, 2012

From "The beauty in waiting"


Great post by Kate Harvey on Tiger Print. :-)

An excerpt:

"This choice that I made for myself when I was just a girl has certainly tested me, challenged me, and made me think over and over again about what my values are and why I believe what I do. But if I could do it over again, I would. Contrary to popular belief on the matter, my choice to wait for my husband has always made me feel more feminine and lovely, not less so; it has given me an inner peace and an esteem for my own worthiness as a woman; it has taught me the real beauty in self-control, as opposed to the fleeting beauty in passion; it has landed me in the loving arms of a man who makes me very, very happy; and it has enabled me to give him a gift I've given no one else."

Read more here.

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person."-Mignon McLaughlin

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Peltzman effect

One of the questions thrown my way lately is related to the big RH bill debate--it came out of a discussion on why making condoms easily available (i.e., free) in health centers would not be good for society. The question is: "How about you? If somebody gave you a condom for free right now, you wouldn't go crazy-wild and use it, would you?"

Of course not. But, you see, this is exactly the kind of thinking that makes people complacent about allowing condoms or other pseudo-essential medicines to be readily available to anybody who walks in a health center: "It won't change me; so, how can it change society?" You'll be surprised.

WHO campaign for road safety, focused on
seat belt use. See the rest here.
The Peltzman Effect
Have you ever heard of the Peltzman Effect? Economist and University Professor Sam Peltzman, in his studies, noticed that regulations imposed by the government tend to fall short of their goal and even cause the opposite of the intended effect. How so? In a 2004 lecture that Peltzman gave at the AEI-Brookings Joint Center for Regulatory Studies, the University of Chicago professor cites a seat belt car safety regulation as an example. To quote:

"I argued that this regulation would encourage greater risk-taking.... If you are in a hurry and tempted to drive faster or more aggressively part of the price you pay for this is the extra risk of getting into an accident and then suffering injury or even death. The mandated safety devices would reduce this price by reducing the severity of the consequences you could expect if you got into an accident. If those consequences had been sufficiently severe to deter you before the regulation came along they were now less likely to do so. So simple economic logic suggested that, in the aggregate, the mandated devices would encourage more risky behavior--and this great risk taking would offset to some degree the safety benefits these devices seem to promise." (Emphasis is mine.)

It's not that condoms are ineffective (I must emphasize though, that they are not 100 percent effective), but that their mandated availability will do much in promoting risky behavior. In the recent Real Love Revolution talk given by youth speaker Chris Stefanick, a simple comparison brought to light how the Peltzman Effect could apply to RH matters, too.

Chris Stefanick, at the Real Love Revolution 2012, held at the World Trade Center, Sept 1, 2012.  

Stefanick pointed out: "In 1984 was the AIDS breakout in the Philippines and in Thailand at the same time. The response in the Philippines was to promote abstinence; the response of Thailand was to promote condoms. Twenty years later, the rate of AIDS infection in Thailand was 50 times higher than in the Philippines."

Risky behavior
In other words, it's not about the effectiveness of a certain device (or the strength of personal wisdom of individuals) but about the pervading culture of society. If people learn to be more open to risky behavior simply because they have an escape route of sorts, what will we be in 20 years? in 50 years?

"Safe sex" is a lie. Wearing that rubber latex balloon, taking the Pill, or inserting that copper coil contraption do not make the sexual act safer--because really, sex (that is, sex within marriage and with fidelity) is safe to begin with. (Aside: having a baby is a natural effect of the conjugal act and is definitely not the same as getting sick.)

What makes sex unsafe is to have multiple partners, to engage in it outside of marriage and to contracept. With side effects like allergic reactions (condoms), headaches, mood swings, higher breast cancer risk (Pills), and a perforated uterus (IUD), how can it be said that contraceptives (and the latter two, abortifacients) actually make sex safe? If you disagree, it's a good time to look up the word "safe" in the dictionary.

Is it for us?
The condom culture is not something to make light of--it's real and it's happening now: in the US, Europe, Southeast Asia... all over the world. You hear people saying (in a derogative way) that the Philippines is the only country without an RH law--but I want to point out that passing an RH law just to avoid "being left behind" is just plain thoughtless. How about first considering how such laws have changed the family culture of other countries and then deciding whether or not we want that for our country? Consider real safety; and choose a culture that preserves the true meaning of family.

"Your own safety is at stake when your neighbor's wall is ablaze."-Horace