'Is there any hope for me?'

Photo from leahdarrow.com

I had a conversation with one of my friends a few weeks ago, and we got to talking about a friend of hers who "lost herself" in a culture of modelling and everything that went with it. One of the things my friend said reminded me of Leah Darrow, who used to be a contestant in America's Next Top Model.

My friend said, how could she (referring to her friend) go back to what it was before if she already gave everything away? And my answer was, look at Leah Darrow.

What Leah says in that video is striking. She says she had a vision that she was at the end of her life, facing God, and offering up to Him the last thing she had ever done--which was posing for a photoshoot wearing something she was ashamed of. Because of it, Leah walked out of the shoot, and out of the modelling world.

This is what a lot of people easily forget: that they can correct the missteps they've made by finding it in themselves to want to change. The most effective first step to a change of heart and a change of lifestyle is to go to confession and talk to a priest. (Don't worry, there's no sin so new that a priest hasn't heard before... and besides, he speaks for God, who loves you!)

It's not about your past (no matter how bad it was)--it's about what you're doing now and to Whom your heart really belongs now. If that weren't true, then there wouldn't be great people like St. Paul or St. Peter. So, in answer to the question heading this post:

Yes, there is always hope as long as the person is willing to make that change, and to make it a change for good.


"Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future."-Oscar Wilde

Saying no

"May I have this dance, Miss Elizabeth?"

(Pride and Prejudice, 2005)

Alaine and Gerry are girlfriend and boyfriend. They like eating in Asian restaurants, bowling, and watching movies. On some occasions, she invites him to dinner with her friends, and he invites her to play sports with his friends. One day, the two were walking along a strip of restaurants near Gerry's new flat.

He asks, "Would you like to go up and see it?"

Alaine considers for a bit. She is interested to look at his new flat--Gerry has talked about it a lot. But she makes up her mind and says, "No, there's nobody up there."

Sometimes, love means saying "No." Ladies don't know the power they have to turn men into gentlemen with just a simple word. That's because it is just presumed that men must always take the lead. In truth, men only propose; the decision is always the ladies'.

That said, ladies must understand how to wield their two-letter sword:

• Go into specifics. Setting standards is meaningless if you don't draw a clear line somewhere. Don't just resolve to "Save sex for marriage," but make a list of actions you feel are inappropriate and avoid them. When you're sure about what you don't want to do, your "No" becomes firm.  
• Making a firm "No" in little things makes the "No" in big things come easier. Practice makes perfect. Don't listen to that little voice that says, "It's just a little thing." Remember that many little things add up to a big thing, not to mention it weakens your resolve to stick to any principle that you value. 
• No one should feel bad for saying "No." Don't think you're hurting his feelings. If it's good for him (and you) then it will make him happy in the long run. Besides, saying "No" is character building for both of you. Promise!

How does "No" build character anyway?
From childhood, we learn that not everything that we want we will get. Those who don't learn that are called a certain S-word. They go about life thinking they're entitled to everything, and cannot suffer consequences for their actions. They're the ones who cry "Freedom of expression!" when their work or behavior oversteps the line, the ones who blame the school for their failing grades, and the ones who don't worry about who they crush when they're out to get what they want.

Imagine a world full of men like that, and then remember who, between a man and a woman, is always on the receiving end of an invitation. Now, can you see how much power you have with a "No"?

"To keep your character intact you cannot stoop to filthy acts. It makes it easier to stoop the next time."  -Katharine Hepburn

I'm not that girl

Who the Wicked Witch of the West really was in her life--somebody who stood up for the weak. 

(From the musical, Wicked.)

When Elphaba from the Wicked musical sings I'm not that girl, she sings of the guy she loves who doesn't love her back--he chose another girl, hence the title of the song.

But this post is not about love lost. It's a new year, so here's something to think about: do you have integrity in your life? It's easy to assume that integrity is only important when you run for public office, but in truth it's a virtue for everyone.

For example, are you the same girl when you're with your family as with your friends? Do you hear mass on Sundays and then live your faith by trying to grow in patience and love everyday? 

When it comes to relationships, the same integrity is required, too! Showing affection to your special someone is a normal thing: holding hands, giving a handmade present, walking side by side... these are all fine. Then there are other ways of showing affection that may go out of hand, if you forget yourself. Giving him a kiss can be harmless, but if you don't put much stock in what must be respected, then it can lead to something else.

What people thought she was: an ugly, horrible woman who gets little dogs too. 

(The Wizard of Oz, 1939.) 

You can have integrity in your love life by living by one rule: anything you do when it's just the two of you should be something you can do when your whole family is around you! After all, if you want to please the Parent Who Loves You No Matter What, then you can start by considering how your own actions please or displease your own natural parents.

You want integrity because you only want to be you, or at least make every day a step closer to the you you hope to be. So that, in the end, you don't look back and think, "I'm not that girl."

"Integrity is doing the right thing, even if nobody is watching."-Annonymous