Saying no

"May I have this dance, Miss Elizabeth?"

(Pride and Prejudice, 2005)

Alaine and Gerry are girlfriend and boyfriend. They like eating in Asian restaurants, bowling, and watching movies. On some occasions, she invites him to dinner with her friends, and he invites her to play sports with his friends. One day, the two were walking along a strip of restaurants near Gerry's new flat.

He asks, "Would you like to go up and see it?"

Alaine considers for a bit. She is interested to look at his new flat--Gerry has talked about it a lot. But she makes up her mind and says, "No, there's nobody up there."

Sometimes, love means saying "No." Ladies don't know the power they have to turn men into gentlemen with just a simple word. That's because it is just presumed that men must always take the lead. In truth, men only propose; the decision is always the ladies'.

That said, ladies must understand how to wield their two-letter sword:

• Go into specifics. Setting standards is meaningless if you don't draw a clear line somewhere. Don't just resolve to "Save sex for marriage," but make a list of actions you feel are inappropriate and avoid them. When you're sure about what you don't want to do, your "No" becomes firm.  
• Making a firm "No" in little things makes the "No" in big things come easier. Practice makes perfect. Don't listen to that little voice that says, "It's just a little thing." Remember that many little things add up to a big thing, not to mention it weakens your resolve to stick to any principle that you value. 
• No one should feel bad for saying "No." Don't think you're hurting his feelings. If it's good for him (and you) then it will make him happy in the long run. Besides, saying "No" is character building for both of you. Promise!

How does "No" build character anyway?
From childhood, we learn that not everything that we want we will get. Those who don't learn that are called a certain S-word. They go about life thinking they're entitled to everything, and cannot suffer consequences for their actions. They're the ones who cry "Freedom of expression!" when their work or behavior oversteps the line, the ones who blame the school for their failing grades, and the ones who don't worry about who they crush when they're out to get what they want.

Imagine a world full of men like that, and then remember who, between a man and a woman, is always on the receiving end of an invitation. Now, can you see how much power you have with a "No"?

"To keep your character intact you cannot stoop to filthy acts. It makes it easier to stoop the next time."  -Katharine Hepburn