John Steinbeck on love

John Steinbeck and wife Elaine. Date unknown.

Quick post. Here's a letter written in 1958 by American author John Steinbeck. He wrote it to his son Thom in response to a letter the young man sent his dad. In it, Thom says he has fallen in love with a girl named Susan at boarding school. 

If all parents wrote so beautifully, maybe more kids would listen to them; but I say children should always listen to their parents, no matter what kind of talent they have.


New York
November 10, 1958

Dear Thom:
We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First—if you are in love—that’s a good thing—that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second—There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you—of kindness and consideration and respect—not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply—of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it—and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone—there is no possible harm in saying so—only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another—but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa

---

"Many receive advice, only the wise profit from it."-Harper Lee

On Happy Hearts week...

...let's talk about gifts!

It's a common practice to give gifts on Valentine's Day: chocolates, flowers, cards, and handmade stuff. At the very least, Valentine's is an occasion to share and be thoughtful. But because of advertising and marketing, it's become some overblown special day--another excuse to spend.

As my post comes too late for V-Day itself, this won't be a list of tipid tips or ideas for handmade cards. Because the day is all about love, however, this is a good time to talk about pure love as a gift. How could pure love be a gift?

Enter Kylie Bisutti.

Kylie joined a Victoria's Secret modeling contest in 2009 and won. She says she was newly married at the time--and gradually her marriage brought about a change of heart. Just last week she made it to the headlines announcing that she was going to stop modeling lingerie, which, in her words, "isn't clothing."

In an interview for Good Morning America, she says, "Just very recently, [I've been] growing in my relationship with the Lord, and my faith. I'm a strong-believing Christian. I just became so convicted about wanting to honor my husband... and wanting to be a role model for other women out there."

In a different interview, she says, "I just want to do everything I can to keep my marriage special. My body should only be for my husband and it's just a sacred thing."

What's the lesson here? 

Now, I'm not gonna write about the best gift ladies can give their future husbands because I think Kylie Bisutti has made that point clear enough.... I want this lesson to be for the guys.

When the interviewer (at Good Morning America) asks Kylie what her husband thought about her modelling, she answers that he was supportive, but adds, "I'm just so thankful that he let me grow, and let me come to this decision on my own. He obviously prayed about it. I know that now, after talking to him."

Kylie and her hubby Mike Bisutti. Image from Denimblog.

Sometimes, women buy the idea that, to be beautiful, they have to show people what they've got. If they're not careful, they also fall into that frame of mind that, to find someone who will love them and not leave them, girls have to give up everything. It is when women think this way that the need for true gentlemen becomes all the more apparent. 

We need men who are real men; men who will love us for who we are and, when we're wrong, lovingly steer us into the right direction through friendship and prayer. More than any fancy chocolate or special card, it's those two things that become the most beautiful and lasting gifts a young lady can receive during this month of hearts! Happy Valentine's Day!

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."-Lao Tzu

On protecting your lady love

Stills from Captain America: The First Avenger (2011). Chris Evans and Haley Atwell.

Guys, this post's for you.

I know how much you love your girlfriend. She is a wonderful girl with a good sense of humor. She's so lady-like and effortlessly put together that she really makes you look more like a gentleman, even in your trusty college t-shirt, rugged jeans, and favorite pair of Nike Dunks. And she needs you to protect her--at least to make sure she gets home safely, doesn't trip, slip, bump into anything, break an arm, break a leg or break her neck on your watch.

But you must remember that protecting her doesn't mean:

• you should wrap your arm around her neck and leave it there like an iron clamp when you're walking around together leisurely. She needs to breathe, you know. Besides, by just holding her hand, you can be sure to protect her adequately. (It's helpful to put your arm over her shoulder if you're guiding her through a crowd or a busy street. Always take the situation into account.)
• you should carry her purse, too. That purse does not belong on your arm--it contains all her personal effects, and besides, hindi naman iyan bagay sa 'yo.
• you should accompany her shopping. If she's with trusted girl friends or family, you can rest assured that she's in good hands. Some guys who accompany their girlfriends end up having to help judge how something looks on her in the dressing room. It's fine if she's trying on a decent dress, shoes or some work pants, but who can say when she will demand you to say something about a pair of short shorts, a corset party top or (good luck with this one) intimate apparel? Sometimes, girls don't know what's good for them so you guys have to draw a line somewhere.
• you should tell her she looks pretty when she doesn't. You may want to protect her feelings, but if by some chance your beautiful lady lets the stress from her work day make her look like a train wreck, trust me, she will appreciate being told so. That way, she can remedy it before somebody else she knows sees her. (And next time she will not be lax about her appearance around you.)

Truly protecting your lady love also means respecting her space, her things, her reputation and her personhood, besides the obvious ensuring that she gets home in one piece (inside and out) whenever you go on a date. Also, there are protective things you can do that lie beyond the frame of taking her out to dinner, to the mall or to a movie. 

You can protect her thoughts by guarding your words; protect her happiness and future by keeping your love pure and true; protect her soul by never asking her to do things she might feel guilty (or sad, or "not right") about afterwards. Most of all, you can protect her if you treat her like the lady she is without having to compromise your standing as a true gentleman. 

"Of Manners gentle, of Affections mild; In Wit a man; Simplicity, a child."-Alexander Pope

That blasted pill

'RX.' Photography series by Jonathon Kambouris. Artwork has no relation to topic at hand, but they look pretty cool! More images here.

I was having dinner with some of my cousins a few months back, and we were talking about exercise. One of them, a fitness enthusiast, got asked (as a joke), "Do you use 'roids or something?" ("'Roids" as in steroids.) He snapped, "'Roids will give me cancer. Anything that gives me cancer is not for me!"

"Now, how on earth is this connected to chastity, modesty and purity?" you ask. In a culture where these virtues are valued little, one carcinogen seems to be taken too lightly that some women pop them every morning like vitamins. Nowadays, oral contraceptives (OCs) are easily available over-the-counter when women want to "exercise their freedom of choice." It seems that many people just don't think about how these OCs increase a woman's chances of getting breast cancer.

According Dr. Virginia G. Guzman-Manzo, "Hormones are known to play a role in many cases of breast cancer. Oral and injectable contraceptives are actually made up of hormones just like those found normally in a woman, which are responsible in carrying out her reproductive functions. Many of the risk factors of developing breast cancer are related to a woman’s natural hormones. Therefore there has been considerable concern about the possible effects of OCs on breast cancer risk, especially if women take them for many years."

Another doctor, Dr. Peachie Pie Alvia, puts it more bluntly: "Alam mo, when men take those pills, they grow breasts. Paano pa kaya kung women?" (You know, when men take those pills, they grow breasts. How much more will it affect women?)

If you check out Susan G. Komen for the Cure, a website for breast cancer awareness, you'll find a risk factor table that puts "Birth control pills" under a "weak increase in risk" for breast cancer. The risk factors that pose a greater risk are things that cannot be helped: a woman's age, her childbearing history, her family history, specific characteristics of her body (such as the density of the breast) etc. This means that while much of what causes breast cancer is something you cannot do anything about, there are things you can do to lessen your risk, and not taking OCs is one of them.

Healthy ladies don't need to pollute their system with excessive hormones! And married or not, women (and men) would do well to respect the natural functions of the body, and to remember that love thinks of the other person more than the self.


"Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents."-Peter Latham

One thing leads to another

Original photo from Vogue Mexico, November 2010.

"Your life is what your thoughts make it."-Marcus Aurelius