10 things on chastity

Photo from Jason and Crystalina Evert's FB page.

On the first week of September, Jason and Crystalina Evert were here in the Philippines for a series of talks that highlighted different aspects of living the virtue of chastity, from dating to marriage, even up to teaching it to kids. Their highly popular seminar series, Romance without Regret, has helped a lot of teens understand their true worth, and how to really find true love in this day and age. I was fortunate to catch their talk for young professionals, Better Together: The Path to Real Love.

This talk focused on how men and women are different when it comes to love, attraction, and affection. They gave some pointers on how to find the right person to marry, and how to save your marriage before you tie the knot. Here are 10 things they said that I want to share.

1. Chastity is not a denial, but a virtue that helps a man love a woman. Because men’s minds are wired differently, Jason says that romantic love poses a different kind of struggle for men. Men are very visual; hence, it’s so easy for them to mix up love with lust. But chastity helps a man let go of the latter and seize the former by teaching him to put his wants aside for the benefit of his beloved. Quoting from the Song of Songs, Jason asserts that “If I cannot adequately love a woman as a sister, I utterly cannot love her as a bride.” This is the standard of chaste love.

2. Chastity gives power to a woman to know if she’s authentically being loved. On the other end of the spectrum, chastity helps women because by living this virtue, a lady can find out if her young man really loves her. There are other ways of showing affection, and if a man goes out of his way to do that, even sacrificing his own wants, then the woman can better see that this guy is really something.

3. Women nowadays hardly make it easy to be pure. An honest comment from a guy. Jason points out that the way women dress can make or break a man’s commitment to chastity. Now, some may argue that “It’s my body; I can dress it up the way I want to, and it doesn’t EVER mean I’m asking for it.” Chill. The truth is, “It’s your body, so you have the responsibility to dress it up in a way that helps people live a little better.” When you see things, it’s difficult to un-see. When you imagine things, it’s difficult to un-imagine. For guys who want to live chastity but have these images stuck in their head, Jason suggests giving love to the immodestly dressed girls (and girls who pose in racy magazines) by saying a prayer for them.

4. If I couldn’t respect my own body, how could he? In connection to dressing appropriately, Crystalina says that the way girls dress and the way they act around the guys set the bar on how they want to be treated. If a girl respects herself, the guys will see it and give her that respect. If a girl obviously doesn’t care, then it sets the stage, kind of like giving permission, for the guys to act like jerks around her.

5. You should never have to lower your standards. Know what you want in a man. After sharing her own story, Crystalina suggests that girls write down everything that they want in a man. If a guy does not qualify, don’t waste your time. Believe that the right guy is out there for you; and he will have all those qualities you want in a man. Meantime, work on being the right girl.

6. Conversion—give that gift to yourself. It may seem like a very hard thing to do (and it is!), but if you haven’t been living in the way you know you ought you should, it’s time to get up and go. Crystalina shares the story of her conversion: when she finally decided to change from her “party girl” lifestyle, she made a long list of all the things she did—and filled up five pages back to back! Then she went to confession, read all the things she wrote in there, and said them to the priest. Afterwards, she felt so good being able to crumple the five pages and toss them in the garbage bin. Conversion is really a gift—but you have to find the strength to take it.

7. Guys should initiate love. They should act decisively. Don’t be a wimp and pop the question! If a guy likes a girl, he should man up and say so. Seek her out. Make friends with her. Ask her out. Girls get crushes all the time, but they don’t really fall in love that easily. So guys have to make it happen—they have to initiate love. Remember the fox in The Little Prince? Girls are like the fox: they have to be tamed. A wimp who keeps it all to himself should feel sorry if she meets someone else and is lost to him forever.

8. We’re really different—it’s beautiful! Men and women are different, but complementary; meaning, the weakness of one is made up for by the other. So, don’t worry if he doesn’t remember the outfit you wore the first day you met, or if she doesn’t think Metallica is the coolest band that ever ruled the airwaves. These differences are what make relationships interesting. What really matters is you two should agree when it comes to the most important things (such as values and beliefs, life philosophies).

9. Freedom exists for love. I know that some people think chastity and freedom don’t jibe. How can you say you have freedom if you can’t…? But true freedom means choosing to do what is right—the right things may sometimes entail self-sacrifice, but this will be good for you in the end because it won’t put you in a bad position. If you live this kind of freedom, you will be able to love with full integrity.

10. Chastity is not killing your desire but setting it ablaze. This is about truly loving somebody! If you live chastity, you forget yourself, you put all the love into caring for the well-being of your beloved. And that love, because it is not based on physical attractions but on a determined will, grows to be stronger, fuller. It becomes true love!

Jason and Crystalina Evert

Can we get any luckier than this?

You're invited to attend and ask all the questions you need. These guys are really good speakers, on top of the fact that they give really good advice, especially on matters of love, relationships, chastity, and marriage. Taralet's!

"New Adult," anyone?

Young girl reading by Federico Zandomeneghi

Thanks to Tiger Print, I came across this new category in Young Adult (YA) literature--what they call "New Adult" literature. What is this New Adult?

"New Adult," Katie Hinderer writes, "targets the same audience as young adult. [It] is what some consider literature for the current hook-up generation. The New Adult books all have descriptive sexual encounters between the two, usually high school-aged, main characters, which of course is a defining moment for the relationship."

The universal theme of love for the YA group has been transformed into a new (and narrow) concept--a pseudo-romantic, emotion-based, sexual kind of love. The group formerly concerned about how Wilbur escapes his fate with Charlotte's creative weaving scheme, how Jonas would come to understand what love is through the Memories from the Giver, how Leigh Botts would pick up the pieces of his broken home, or how Leslie Burke would pull Jess Aarons out of his fears through their friendship and Terabithia, is now being served up stories of sexually-charged relationships with a spatter of violence here and there. Supposedly this is what the YA group wants nowadays.

Sure, it's only fiction, but last time I checked, fiction is supposed to be believable, with characters who change for the better because of the experiences they are put through. That's putting it in a box, but you get the picture. Young readers deserve to read fiction that empowers them to make good choices. They need fiction that will help shape their minds and hearts so they grow up to be well-rounded and responsible adults, with a healthy view of sex, love, and relationships.  

I wish more writers and publishers would put more value in the content, and not just churn out what seems to be "hot" right now, for the sake of making more money.

Leah Darrow and Chris Stefanick

Sex education? No, we need love education. It's true that young people need to learn about sex, body parts and having babies, but just those make up an incomplete lesson. (And let's not delve anymore into that big lie called "sexual rights.") What young people need to know today is that sex is a gift--a gift that should be received with responsibility and in the proper time. 

Young people need to understand--not how to get what you want without being, as some famous politician puts it "punished with a baby"--but the role that sex plays in strengthening commitments, raising a happy family, and filling a home with love.

With that, let me invite you all to an interesting conference.

   

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Real Love Revolution 2012 is here again! Join hundreds of Filipino youth in the World Trade Center, on Sept. 1, Saturday, 1:00-5:00pm. The speakers are Leah Darrow and Christ Stefanick.

Photo from St. Loius Review

Leah Darrow was one of the contestants in America's Next Top Model. She used to be a professional model before she switched career paths. Now, she is a full-time apologist for Catholic Answers, and goes to different places to give talks on chastity and modesty.

Photo from The Love of Christ Impels

Chris Stefanick is an accomplished musician and the director of Youth, Young Adult and Campus Ministry in the Archdiocese of Denver, Colorado. He is also an experienced speaker who understands young people.

Real Love Revolution 2012 is a chastity conference organized by CATALYST, the student organization of University of Asia and the Pacific (UA&P), and supported by the Catholic Bishops' Conference of the Philippines-Episcopal Commission on Family and Life (CBCP-ECFL). 

Tickets are at P50, P100 and P200. For more information, please contact tel. no. 637-09-12 local 277, cellphone 0908-864-84-91, or email realloverevolution2012@gmail.com. Check out more details at http://www.positiveagent.org/whats-happening/4-updates/39-real-love-revolution-2012

"The real ornament of woman is her character, her purity."-Mahatma Gandhi

'I thought she was smart'

Whenever I hear the words "I thought she was smart" in reference to a piece of news about someone getting pregnant out of wedlock, I always sincerely hope the speaker is referring to prudence, modesty and chastity, because if anything, those are the three things a young woman really needs in a culture that is permissive of sexual intimacy outside of marriage.

But language being what it is, I can't help noticing how such a comment can have a double meaning--doesn't "smart" sound a bit too... calculating? Something like, "Hey if this lady thought ahead and took some form of contraception, then she wouldn't be having this problem right now."

That comment actually makes me ask: would contraception have done anything good for the young woman in this situation? Sure, you could say the contraception works; she doesn't get pregnant. What then? Does the doing the deed make her happier? their relationship stronger? Does getting what she wants now build her character? Is she helping her boyfriend grow in virtue? How will a contraceptive mindset help them both when they're married?

Not to mention the many what ifs:
What if the contraception doesn't work? (No contraception method is 100% efficient)
What if the boyfriend leaves her eventually?
What if she gets sick?


Non-existent
Contraception becomes easy to accept if you only look at short term goals--and that's exactly why contraception is unacceptable. Because when it comes to finding true love, there is no such thing as a short term goal. Contraception doesn't help anyone grow in the virtues of selflessness, self mastery, temperance, and generosity--all of which a person needs in marriage. And what is a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship if not a preparation for marriage? that is, a marriage that lasts?

Forget "smart." IQ has nothing to do with having the will to save it for the person who respects you, loves you, and treats you well. What matters is having your heart in the right place, and making up your mind not to give it up at the wrong time and circumstance--for your protection, and his!

You want a love that lasts, right? So, don't calculate... wait.


"The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach--waiting for a gift from the sea."-Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Introduction: Why pure love?

Welcome to Main Squeeze (getitpure.blogspot.com)!

• If you've stumbled upon this blog because you were searching for an image, you should know that this blog only contains nice images!
• If you've stumbled upon this blog because you googled "finding love," you should know that this blog is bent on helping you find love in the best possible way--no guilt relationships, no feeling of "owing" anyone, and definitely none of that "I'm sticking with him because I gave him everything."
• If you've stumbled upon this blog because you are looking for reasons to keep love pure, then you've come to the right place!

BUT FIRST this is just an introduction. Pure love, or chastity, is needed so much nowadays, because many things in the mainstream media and the youth culture have made the impression that the opposites of chastity, purity and modesty are way cooler. This blog is not "free PR" for chastity. It's not here to sell the idea of chastity to unsuspecting youth. Instead, it is here to show that living the virtue is possible for anyone (singles, marrieds, and even those with a past)... and results in a person who is happy and free!

I hope you'll all enjoy reading!

"When you decide firmly to lead a clean life, chastity will not be a burden on you; it will be a crown of triumph."-St. Josemaria Escriva.